Social~Lites

"OK, I admit calling animal control on her may have been a bit of an over reaction, but I guarantee she'll never call me a snob for eating Fancy Feast again."

Social~Lites

"I recognize how important it is for small children to spent a lot of time with their Mother, that's why I've hired an actress to impersonate me.  Luckily, my kids are too young to distinguish between the two of us & this way I get to go shopping and have fun & they get to feel that they have a Mother who wants to be with them.  It's truly a win-win situation."

Social~Lites

"Internet security has gotten completely out of hand.  For instance, I had to reset my FaceBook password today.  Not only did it have to be 18 digits long but it had to include a capitalized letter, a number, an italicized letter, an ümlaut, a Russian Cyrillic character, & an ancient Minoan symbol.  I had to do all that just so I could deny a friend request from an old classmate from elementary school who I always hated."

Social~Lites

"Despite the economic downturn & the risk of financial ruin I still have to keep up appearances.  So to save some money I've decided to forgo my usual Kopi Luwak coffee and instead I make my own with free monkey poop from the zoo.  The best part is it smells so badly everyone thinks it's the real thing."

Social~Lites

"I complained to the owner. Seriously, what kind business doesn't have Wi-Fi nowadays? OK, so it's a funeral home, so what?  I mean, how am I supposed to express my grief if I can't tweet a frowney face."

Social~Lites

"Even though I come from old money I've decided to stop turning up my nose at the nouveau riche.  I figure if someone can become wealthy during this economic downturn they deserve at least some of my respect.  That being said, if I see one of them wearing a BUMP-IT all bets are off." 

Social~Lites

"Since my husband & children are so busy I don't get to see them very much. So, I decided to hire a camera crew to follow them around to film their daily lives.  In the last episode my five year old daughter threw her milk at her frienemy's face & flipped her desk over. I can't wait to see what happens next!"

Social~Lites

"Last night I woke up drenched in sweat. For the first time in my life I realized that most people will never have the opportunity to live the kind of rich and fabulous life I have led. It really makes me appreciate the unjust capitalistic system that allows just a handful of people to have everything they could ever dream of."

Social~Lites

"I invited all the other housewives that are on the reality show with me for dinner the other night.  They all had a good time, enjoyed the food & each other's company. Nobody threw their drinks at anyone, cursed, or flipped the table over.  Honestly, what do you think I did wrong?"

Social~Lites

"I mean, just look at her.  She looks like an alien. Her lips are the size of pork tenderloins & her face has been lifted so many times her skin looks like saran wrap.  She's in the gossip columns every single day & everywhere I go people are talking about her. What unethical plastic surgeon allowed her to end up looking like that?  I've got to get their number so I can look just like her."