Social~Lites

"After having a $100,000 facelift to look younger I refuse to look my age by wearing reading glasses. I've decided to give up reading entirely & instead I hired a personal reader. She my maid's niece and is from Guatemala. I don't understand half of what she says, but she has the most adorable accent."

Social~Lites

"She showed up to spin class wearing sweatpants, her hair in a messy ponytail & without ANY makeup on.  Can you imagine? It's almost as if she didn't care what people thought about her.  Since she is my best friend I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt & assume she was either sleepwalking or that she had just been mauled by a wild animal."

Social~Lites

"I'm beginning to think my daughter is self centered.  She didn't get me anything for Mother's day.
I overlooked it last year, but this year there is no excuse.  I mean, she's nearly three years old & her allowance is VERY generous.  At the very least she could have asked one of her nannies to pick me up a little something."

Social~Lites

"You know, with the economy as bad as it is money sure doesn't stretch as far as it used to. 

At this rate I'm going to have to get a second alimony just to maintain my standard of living."

Social~Lites

 "I heard the world is supposed to end this weekend.  I wonder what one wears to the rapture.
Do you suppose Christian Dior would be too literal?"

Social~Lites

"Whoever said 'Less is more' obviously wasn't rich. I mean, I am extremely
wealthy & I can assure you my more is definitely more." 

Social~Lites

"Some friends! They complained throughout the entire movie about the price of the tickets and the popcorn. I mean, yes it is MY home theatre, but I have costs too. They are lucky my ushers are non-union & undocumented illegals, otherwise who knows what I'd have to charge."  

Social~Lites

"I'm scared to death of getting old! That's why I'm going to be cryogenically frozen 
before my 24th birthday.  I'm so excited because they are going to freeze-dry my purses, shoes & all six of my chihuahuas.  I'm guessing it's like a really big Zip-Lock bag." 

Social~Lites

"My goldfish recently had a terrible case of vertigo. 

Luckily, my chihuahua's Acupuncturist recommended a wonderful 

Aquatic Ear Nose & Throat specialist who cleared it right up!"

Social~Lites

"My husband insists we take that gas guzzler everywhere we go.
Don't you think taking a Learjet across town is a bit wasteful?
Personally, I believe we all have to do our part for the environment.
That's why I always have my driver use the stretch Hummer limo."  

Social~Lites

"To be honest, I only read The New Yorker for the cartoons.  

I hate to admit it, but witty cats always crack me up."

Social~Lites

"I just got back from the Kentucky Derby.  Surprisingly, not only do the women wear shoes
there but some of their shoes were totally adorable.  Apparently, someone named 'Pei Lezz' designs
most of their shoes.  I looked all over the net but he has absolutely no web presence.
Do you suppose they even have the internet in the South?"

Social~Lites

"Oh, and don't even get me started on Garfield.
Anyone who revels in furthering negative stereotypes about his own people is nothing but a self-hater ."

Social~Lites

"So, it wasn't until one of my kids texted me 'Merry Xmas' that I realized I hadn't seen any of my kids in three months.  My personal assistant had forgotten to pencil in family time.  I hated to let her go because she was such a great assistant, but what kind of Mother would I be if I didn't fire her after that?"