Saturday, August 31, 2013

  Kentucky State Fair:   Fried Animals on Sticks

Actual Food lessons from the 2013         Kentucky State Fair

     Recently one of my dear cousins (who is beloved and will thus remain nameless) came back from her visit to the Kentucky State Fair.  As we all know the two questions anyone gets after having been to the Fair are:

1. "What fried foods did you eat?"

2. "Did you see Freddy the Farmer?"

Oddly her response to both questions puzzled me. She not only failed to see Freddy but didn't eat a single fried food!!!

I asked exactly what she DID do at the Fair and she responded she saw Donkeys (or Mules or some other horse-like creature).  I am sorry (Wait... am I?..really?)  but in my book my cousin did not go to the State Fair but apparently went to a petting zoo. To be fair (pun intended) everyone should have the right to attend the Fair without having to indulge in unhealthy fried foods- as Americans don't we have yet another surpassing obligation to corn and its byproducts (corn syrup and even more importantly high fructose corn syrup)? I will let my fellow Americans answer that questions for themselves.
Well my friends (and those people don't know me who are reading this.  Trust me if you knew me personally you would want to be my friend too) it is that time of year (or, rather it was that time ago last week when the KY State Fair was actually happening. It is over now, so don't go.)  The time of year when all of Kentuckians and Hoosiers aka those from Indiana (FYI there is nothing happening in Indiana, ever.) join together in Louisville to look at live animals, eat deceased animals, ride rides and point a jealous finger at interesting hair styles.

   This year for the first week of the Fair, fairgoers enjoyed unseasonable cooler temperatures. Of course when I went which just happened to be the last day of the fair, it was 150 degrees, but have no fears I risked my life so I could come back and give you the following reviews of the cornucopia of Fair Foods.

Actual Food lessons from the 2013         Kentucky State Fair:

1. Fried Girl Scout Cookies should be illegal. 

           I am serious about this. I have a petition circulating the city. (I believe Lurlene from accounting at Moby Dick's had it last).

           Imagine if you would: A Tagalong-The perfect combination of Peanut Butter, Cookie and Chocolate  battered in sugary dough and deep fried and then doused with powered sugar. DOUSED MY FRIENDS. DOUSED!!! Or perhaps you'd prefer a Samoa with their unique collection of coconut like flakes with caramel and chocolate? Well, it is the same awesome process of adding more sugar, frying it up and them more sugar.

            The centers of these dough-balls will make your mouth water (as well as your eyes when you realize that you just put something into your mouth that had just been deep fried in a bagillion degree cooking oil). You walk away satisfied and with a third degree burned esophagus.  Bottom line: it's totally worth it.

2. Corn Dogs are delicious. 

           As I just said: "Corn dogs are delicious." Nothing else need be said.

Below is an artist rendering of me eating a corn dog. Unfortunately no photographic evidence exists of this occurrence.  My youngest brother said he would be disappointed in me as a human being if I went to the fair and failed to eat a corn dog.  The illustration is pretty close to reality, except I wasn't wearing my Goonies T-shirt and I was much more muscular and handsome than seen below.

3. A Sloppy Joes on a Krispy Kreme Doughnut is not as interesting or as gross as it sounds.

        To sum it up: I like a Sloppy Joe (preferrable a Manwich) as much if not more so than your average Joe and no one, and I mean no one, loves Krispy Kreme Doughnuts more than I do. That being said this wasn't that fantastic but it was edible which by definition is... well the definition of all food. Enough said.

4. Sweet tea is sweeter at the State Fair.

         Being in the South (For you Midwesterners Kentucky is officially the gateway to the South) there are three constant loves in your life: Your Momma; Your Dog (At least according to every country song) & last but not least Sweet tea.  I am no exception to this rule. I have sweet tea for lunch every weekday.

         That being said when my friend Jes ordered me a sweet tea from a concession stand they gave her a cup of ice and pointed her to the tea stand.  She found that the spicket (or spigot if you must) was so clogged with sugar the attendant had to stir the vat of tea in order to get actual tea to come out as opposed to just the "SWEET" part of of the duo.  Although I would have been just happy drinking SWEET, I must say the actual tea was pretty darn tasty too.

6. Yes I typed 6 instead of 5. This next item is so good it takes up two slots.......  Wait for it... Fried Derby Pie.   No, really, I said: "Fried DERBY PIE"

         Yes. I just typed: Fried Derby Pie. Have you died and gone to heaven? Only you and the Good Lord above know the answer to that but this dessert item is Nirvana (or Shangri-La if you prefer and I do) on earth. Its DERBY PIE. It is BATTERED IN A SUGARY FLOUR SUBSTANCE. IT IS DEEP FRIED. You might as well deep fry your brain because he outcome would be the same: (Sugar induced) coma.  Unlike most comas though you will be ever-so grateful that you are in a trance like state due to the unbelievable food you just consumed.

With that I can say nothing more about the food at the Fair. There is only one Postscript I should add:  I did NOT see the Cherry flavored pickles everyone was talking about. I am beginning to suspect that this may have been just another Fair rumor (such as Kentucky native Annie Potts was going to perform at freedom hall as Janine Melnitz from Ghostbusters. Lies all lies) 

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