Saturday, September 7, 2013

Why the 80's were the best decade to be a kid...

All of the Reasons (well actually 34 of the Reasons) Why the 80's were the Best Decade to be a Kid. 

If you argue with the above statement you are wrong. 

PART I (There are too many amazing reasons for just one Blog entry)

1.  The Goonies. Goonies Never Say "Die". Enough said.

2.  The Never Ending Story.  Or I should have said "THE NEVER FRICKIN' ENDING STORY!!!" Because you frickin' wished it never ended because it was sooo cool!

3.  Cyndi Lauper. "Girl's just want to have fun" is so great that it shouldn't even be called a song anymore but instead it should be called "a dance party for your ears" or an "instantaneous happy mood inducing drug".

4.  The A-Team (Yes, I said it. You were hoping I wasn't going to, but I did, so get over it!)

5.  Star Wars (Okay, so technically they started in the 70's. Big Whoop. It was the 80's when the movie cemented into ikonic (I prefer the "k" to the "c" version of Ikon-"so sue me") status. (PS "So sue me" is an excellent example of an 80's comeback)

6.  Remington Steele. REMINGTON STEELE, PEOPLE! REMINGTON FRICKIN' STEELE!!! Solving mysteries with the aid of Everybody Love's Raymond's mom. I remember a lot of suspenders, fedora's and white/cream suits. GOTTA LOVE THE 80s. No really, you have to. It's actually a question on Saint Peter's final exam. "Do you love the 80's"  But of course the word love has been replaced by a big red heart . Hint: answer "YES". Trust me on this one.

7.  Rubick's cubes. I like the idea more than the actual puzzle. It's really hard. If you ever figured it out you felt like Albert Einstein. And truly, if you figured it out you were a genius. You should join Mensa if you figured it out. I am not joking.

8.  Transformers (show and toys) cars that turned into robots that turned into cars. WHAT's NOT TO LOVE? P.S. Starscream is still my favorite.

9.  G.I.Joe. Fabulously costumed bad guys who shoot laser beams that don't kill people is my kind of show. PS. Wait, it's frickin' G.I.JOE no additional postscript is needed.

10. Punky Brews***...wait, I'm not going there.  You can't pay me enough. Actually, yes you could. How much is this worth to you?

The real 10. Rainbows. On everything (T-Shirts, Posters, Stickers, etc etc). Everywhere.

11. Unicorns. On everything. Everywhere.

12. Pegasus. On Everything. Everywhere.

13. Cartoon animals wearing t-shirts.

14. Puffy stickers with Rainbows, Unicorns, Pegasus(es) and cartoon animals wearing t-shirts.

15. Scratch n' sniff stickers that never smelled like what they were supposed to be.

16. Jem. Jem, Jem, she's truly outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous. She was actually pretty outrageous and I love her.

17. Coca-Cola Shirts. They were rad.

18. Swatch Watches. They were wicked.

19. Really cool descriptors like "rad" and "wicked" and "totally tubular"

20. The Facts of Life. Nuff said.

21. Family Ties. Aw, Family Ties aw. P.S. Alex P. Keaton. Remember the episode Alex dated Geena Davis? Or the one where Tom Hanks played their alcoholic uncle and was discovered drinking the maraschino cherry juice because of the alcohol content?

22. The Great Space Coaster. "Climb aboard"; "No Gnus is Good Gnus with Gary Gnu"

23. He-Man: Masters of the Universe. Bulging muscle men in speedos fighting evil. Sounds good to me.

24. WWF: Youth of America pay close attention. When I say WWF I mean World Wrestling Federation and not World Wildlife Fund. I love animals as much as the next person but sadly only one WWF made it on the list and it the one with bulging muscle men in speedos fighting evil. Wait a minute. That Sounds familiar...

25. Atari. Pac-man at home was the most amazing thing in the history of all time. It was. It really was. Youth of America cannot understand just how cool it was.

26. Arcade Games: Donkey Kong; Q-bert; Dragon's Lair; Frogger; Pitfall, Centipede, Burgertime. Contra, Gauntlet (It was four frickin players at the same frickin time. It doesn't get more awesome than that). DOUBLE DRAGON (It's not better than Gaunlet since as I said nothing gets more awesome than Gauntlet).

27. Fluorescent everything (Tell me fluorescent isn't totally spelled weirdly? "u" then the "o"? Come on!) I used to have a fluorescent neon Green shirt that matched my shoe laces.How cool was I? I just told you how cool I was I had neon green shirt and shoe laces- That is how cool I was.

28. Hyper colo... NOPE I am not going to include those shirts because I never even heard of the until after the year 2000. Plus they sound gross.

The real 28. The cartoons Duck Tales & Rescue Rangers. LOVED those cartoons and who wouldn't? Ducks and  Rodents solving crimes? It's was like Murder She Wrote for kids without the murder or Angela Lansbury.

30.  Nintendo. Ushering in the era Super Mario; Icarus; Zelda; Metroid all making the 80's oh so rad. Let's all say it together shall we?: "Up, Down, Up, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right B, A, B, A, Select, Start."

31. Bubble Letters were invented. (Okay, Okay. Maybe they weren't invented in the 80's but they were perfected then. This you cannot deny my friend! This you cannot deny)

32. MTV.  Nothing says the 80s like music videos. The best ever? You know it: "Take on me" by a-ha. The one that turned into a cartoon mid way through and then back again to real life when the guy broke through the cartoon wall. Simply the best. Don't even say thriller because you know it's "Take on me". And how do you know it's "Take on me"? Because I JUST TOLD YOU!

33. Bananarama, The Go-Go's and that other girl band (THE BANGLES I knew I'd remember) that sum up 80's pop music so amazingly. Cruel Summer, Manic Monday, Eternal Flame, We got the Beat, Vacation....If these songs didn't exist what a cruel cruel world it would be. No one would ever have made it through a monday or realized that they had the beat.

34. TRAPPER KEEPERS. I know your heart just gushed when I said that. TRAPPER KEEPERs. What was your favorite? I bet it had a rainbow, a unicorn or a kitten or all three.

There will be more to come. Until then I will remind you that Billie-Jean is not my lover because love is a battlefield so that is why I Wear My Sunglasses at Night so I can, so I can find my Raspberry Beret before I go out and meet that Uptown girl who will tell me to Hush Hush because Voices Carry and its just a natural Reflex to be Hungry like the Wolf so time after time I'll just eat it and then I'll beat it because it's been a Cruel Cruel Summer but in the end it's all just Sweet Dreams made up of a Material World and I have got to go because I am going on a Holiday which is a Vacation getaway where I will do some Night Swimming. (Wait that last one was from the 1990s. Oh well, I like it so it stays)  Laters!

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